We all know the damage stress can cause to our bodies, from heart damage to emotional distress. And with today’s rapidly advancing high tech society, it’s that much more difficult for us to ease our stress. We are constantly needing to learn new things and how to use new equipment if we are to keep pace with society.

Think back to the 1930s when the most common form of communication was the telephone and a teletype machine. Those pieces of equipment for the longest time were the only things we had to learn and use.

Compare that to today. In 1980, the computer was becoming commonplace in society. No longer was it just confined to government operations and big business. Suddenly, we citizens could have them in our homes to write letters and keep track of recipes. Within the next 20 years, we’ve added cell phones, wireless phones, satellite TV, music playback devices, electronic phone books, and a major increase in computer programs to learn. To stay current, we must upgrade as quickly as these products do.

No wonder we are so stressed. Who can cope with such ongoing pressure to keep up? Throw in traffic jams and crowded subways, stressed check out clerks and rude drivers and it’s all we can do to stop from clobbering someone.

There is a solution to gain stress relief and relaxation. It’s called biofeedback.

Biofeedback measures your body temperature and heart rate and gives the individual lessons in how to control them. This is done using small painless electrodes attached to the body, similar to the lie detector tests.

One computer-based program I discovered is rather impressive. It is hosted by Deepak Chopra and includes high quality animations. As the program begins, you are taken through a beautiful garden where you are required to make a ball move. The electrodes sense your body’s reactions as you attempt to move the ball up or down by flexing and releasing certain muscles and lowering your inner tension. This change will be reflected on screen as you move through the program and learn more effective ways to control your involuntary responses to stress. The exercises are enhanced by relaxing music and soothing images.

I first came across biofeedback a long time ago, probably in the 1970s and I was impressed with the effectiveness of the exercises. Since tension is my middle name, I was grateful to discover this technique. It made me aware of my own tension and I must say I was surprised to learn that I actually was tense. It had become such a common state for me that I didn’t know I was tense. When I was able to make it subside, I realized how much better I felt.

If you’re looking for a fun and entertaining way to relax and relieve your stress, visit  http://www.book-titles.ca/WildDivine.htm and try out the free demo. I’m sure you’ll be as impressed as I was. Just a note – since this demo is so highly animated and graphic, you will require a fast download, like DSL, to fully enjoy it.

For the past little while, I’ve been scouring the internet for forums and blogs related to mental health issues. Some excellent blogs are not accepting comments, which is unfortunate when a post only covers one aspect of a topic. Often, there are other viewpoints not covered and it would help if people with that additional insight could add their comments.

I did find a few blogs that allow comments, but my search is far from 1/100% done. If I find any of great value, I will let you know.

I have discovered a couple of very good forums, though. They provide a great place to share your thoughts and experiences and get feedback from others who have had similar experiences. The help provided by fellow-sufferers and those who have recovered can be more beneficial than other methods.

The reason, it seems, is that people on forums can remain anonymous while they discuss sensitive issues of great importance. In therapy sessions and groups, this is not possible, so people who would benefit from such contact are reluctant to reach out.

The biggest precaution about commenting on forums is to be very aware of how much you are revealing, especially if it provides the reader with any possible means to track you.

Here are a few tips that may seem obvious, but sometimes online chats can become so “comfortable” that we are always at risk of revealing too much.

1. Refrain from giving your real address or any clues that will enable anyone to figure it out.
2. Don’t give out financial information, and certainly not anything specific.
3. Keep your status private. Don’t let people know you are single, rich, physically limited as in a wheelchair or bedridden.
4. Keep your distance from anyone who tries to get “too close” by asking to contact you by regular mail.

There are other things to watch for, but these are a few that immediately come to mind.

Apart from that, by all means visit and participate in forums which are, in essence, a type of support group. They provide a non-judgmental environment where your condition is understood and your reaction to it is appreciated not criticized. This is where you can express your struggles, thoughts,  ideas and feelings while hearing of other people’s struggles and how they overcame them. You can compare notes, ask questions and benefit from the experiences of those who have been there.

Here are two forums that I recommend for anyone struggling to cope and understand.

Two that I found are:
http://www.uncommonforum.com
(very active environment that covers anxiety-related subjects as well as self esteem building)
http://www.thetalkshop.org
(I just discovered this one but so far it looks promising. It includes a sizeable section on grief and loss.)

You’ll soon learn you are not alone.

Being depressed makes it terribly difficult to “snap out of it” as many people think is possible to do. Yet anyone with depression will tell you it’s not that easy.

In my experience, depression was directly linked to my lack of self confidence and self esteem. My thoughts always focused on what others thought of me and how useless I felt around them and in anything I tried. This was especially prominent when I tried something and failed. Without the self esteem to support me, I was a prime target for depression – and bullying, but that’s another topic.

How can a person not be depressed when you don’t seem to fit into the world the way others do? The thing is, we often don’t even know we are thinking this way. My therapist had to tell me that I was depressed.

He soon had me on anti-depressants, and that lasted about 4 years. It was only 4 of the 25 or so years that I suffered because I was not diagnosed for the longest time and therefore didn’t seek treatment.

Recently, there has been a lot of talk about people being at higher risk of suicide while on anti-depressants. That’s why I want to give you all the help I can to find non-drug treatments.

I’ll never forget the time it happened to me. My doctor had just changed my medication, so I was taking 2 different ones at once. After a few weeks, I was frantic. I had a powerful obsession that I was going to throw myself off the balcony of our 6th floor apartment. I called his office while huddled in the corner of my sofa afraid to move or look at the window. He told me to take one more of the blue pill, and that seemed to resolve it. On my next visit, however, he switched me to something else.

At that time, I didn’t track what medications I was on. I just did as I was told, so unfortunately I can’t tell you what worked and what didn’t. I do remember asking him to put me back on a yellow pill that looked like a Smartie because they made me feel wonderful.

I didn’t rely solely on therapy and medications, however. I studied a great deal and found one tremendous book that made a huge difference in my recovery. It’s an old book that I purchased back in the mid-70s so I’m not sure if it’s even available today, but I do highly recommend it if you can find it.

It’s called “Cultivate Confidence & Promote Personality” by E. Gilbert Oakley. By reading, highlighting and practicing what it teaches, I was soon able to begin moving away from low self esteem and depression and toward confidence. Although I haven’t needed that book for many years, I keep it around like an old friend that it has become.

How do you feel when you’re with people who are happy, upbeat and positive? Do their attitudes boost your own?

Being around positive people is, in fact, a very effective way to stay positive even when things aren’t going so well. Positive people give off a “feeling good” vibe that others in the group pick up and pass on. It’s all good.

This point came to me through something I read years ago. It stated that my depression and sense of worthlessness were being fed by the negative people around me. These were people I thought cared about me, but like many families, they don’t fully grasp how damaging negative feedback can be. In fact, they don’t even know they’re doing it and probably don’t even mean to.

One day, while visiting them for a typical Sunday meal, it became painfully obvious that my sister was always putting me down. Over the years, I had learned to just take it without really interpreting the meaning behind her words.

My friend at the time helped bring this to light when he asked me why I took it from her. Since she is my older sister, I didn’t question anything she said or did. Until that point.

Thinking back, I realized she had always put me down and what it did to me. I lost all confidence in myself and my self esteem. My common belief back then was that I’d never amount to much because who the heck was I? Nobody.

It was unfortunate that this revelation didn’t occur until I’d lived several decades in a depressed, self-deprecating state. Behind everything I tried was a belief that it would never work out, so I didn’t try very hard. It didn’t seem worth the effort if I was predestined to fail. Of course, that’s not true, for me or anyone else. We do have control of our futures, but we have to know what needs fixing.

Negative feedback is a very common detriment to people’s lives. If we’re always told we’ve done something wrong or were wasting our time for trying new ideas, we come to believe them.

The book that explained this made an important point – surround yourself with positive people, people who will support and encourage you. Only then can you gain back your self-esteem and live a happy life.

Surrounding yourself with negative people will only bring you down. Any spark of enthusiasm is quickly squashed by negative people. These are people who, themselves, are lacking self worth and can see only negativity and doom in their futures. They pass this on to others without intending to do so, as negative parents pass it on to their children.

I was just reading another blog about people being stressed out during family get-togethers, in part because certain members have tense relationships. This is enough to cause anxiety in anyone who is already anxious about getting out and meeting family and other obligations during the holiday season.

It might be difficult to avoid negative family members all the time, but you can seek out new friends who are supportive and drop or spend less time with those who are not. Spend as much time as possible with these new friends and they will, over time, counterbalance your negative acquaintances.

Once you begin to find your way out of feeling worthless, you will become stronger mentally. Negative feedback will bounce off you because you will learn to accept only positive ones.

From the moment I put this practice into action, I noticed a drastic improvement in my sense of self. I came to recognize negative comments immediately and was able to ignore them.

By taking a look at the benefits your friends and family are to you, you can decide whether changes are necessary. In time, you will feel much better about yourself and a surprise bonus is that your anxiety will diminish. Anxiety comes from feeling bad about yourself and feeling helpless. Negative feedback can do that to a person. Regaining control over our lives is the key to a happy, self-confident future.